I belong to a group in Southern Oregon called CAN, Child Abuse Network. We meet monthly to discuss child abuse, the work each of us are doing and what we can do together to help end this horrific epidemic.
An outcome of one of our meetings was to take a public stand on community responsibility to monitor offenders and support victims. We wrote an op-ed based on local cases and what we saw as past failures and how we can change our own attitudes and behaviors to create more equitable results that will help us heal the wounds caused by child abuse.
The other 1-3 percent (not the rich ones)
If someone lies to you 97 times out of a 100, will you continue to believe them? In the children’s tale “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” no one believed the boy after he lied just two times.
Fact: Ninety-seven to 99 times out of 100, children tell the truth about being sexually abused.
There are many examples of high-profile people who are defended even in the face of conviction and prison or probation. Witness Jerry Sandusky.
This summer in Woodburn, The Rev. Angel Perez was seen running down the street at 1 am in his underwear chasing a 12-year-old boy. According to police, Father Perez had the parents’ permission for the boy to spend the night with him. The report also states that the priest gave alcohol to the boy. The boy woke up to the priest holding on to the boy’s genitals taking pictures with his phone. The report concludes with fact that the priest went to the boy’s home in the wee hours to say that he made a mistake and asked for forgiveness.
The following week at Father Perez’s arraignment, more than 40 parishioners showed up in support. They wore yellow-and-white ribbons that read, “Estamos Contigo (We support you) P. Angel A. Perez.” The judge pointed out that no one showed up in support of the victim.
Now eight months into Dan Goyette’s probation for a sex crime against a minor, the front page headline in the Talent News and Review says “Downtowne Coffee House Expansion Nears Completion”, complete with a half-page picture of owners Sarah and Dan Goyette.
Why is this important? Because former Talent Councilman Dan Goyette was arrested at the Medford airport in September 2011 for attempting to use a child in a display of sexually explicit conduct. Goyette was returning to the area after he was tipped off that he was being investigated. Again, community members came rushing to his defense.
Dan Goyette entered an Alford plea. In this plea, the defendant doesn’t admit to the crime, but admits that the prosecution could prove the charge. His sentence is three years of supervised probation, undergoing sex offender evaluation and treatment if ordered by a probation officer, and serving 120 hours of community service for attempting to take nude photographs of a 17-year-old girl. The judge repeated what the victim said, “I think creepy about sums it up.” Following sentencing, Goyette thanked his wife, thanked his attorney and turned to his victim and said, “I’m sorry. I want you to know I am not mad at you.”
In the recent article, there’s no mention of his past, just Goyette talking about the city of Talent’s “strong sense of community.”
Why do we still stand beside the offenders and leave the victims to fend for themselves? The answer is complicated. If the offender is a well-thought-of citizen (preacher, teacher, coach, Scout leader), it does not fit what we think we know to be true, so we dismiss it. And in dismissing the information, we dismiss the victim. It is easier to believe what fits into our perceptions than to believe a new set of facts, just as most people once believed the earth to be flat.
The community does not lose if we believe the victim. What we lose is the false perception that good people cannot do terrible things. We lose the grace and talent of the victim who, often, enters a life of pain and hiding.
So here is a new reality check: We must find a way to accept that people who do offend are more than the crime. The result becomes one where both the perpetrator and the victim can be held within the community.
Offenders should always be held accountable for their behavior while still being part of the community with safe parameters. The victim can be supported and held in love for the maximum opportunity for a return to health. If we can accomplish this, healing becomes possible for everyone, including the community itself.
Child victims of sexual abuse rarely lie about what happened to them — the other 1 percent. Most perpetrators are not demons and have at least the appearance of normalcy and, yes, even goodness in their lives. Our job is to find a way to incorporate both into our reality and shift our understanding. The earth is not flat and the continents actually shift over time and so must we.
Randy Ellison
This is beautiful! I love it!
You really lost me there at the end…I don’t agree that the perpetrator should still be allowed to be apart of the community. That is exactly the sentiment that exists today and is the problem it seemed you were trying to address. We must move past that thinking that good people are capable of pure evil deeds. Fact of the matter is they aren’t good people, no matter what good they may have done to hide the evil. That is what we as a society need to understand. What you are saying implies that Jerry Sandusky can still add value to society…do you really believe that?
So I guess this post from back in August is now null and void as a result of your most recent post?
http://www.boysdonttell.com/2012/08/we-are-still-supporting-the-perps-folks/
I found your post compelling, right up until the end. Then I was just confused. Which is it, you feel like sexual predators and pedophiles should be a part of the community and be supported regardless of their vile actions (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth) or you think they shouldn’t be? One post is the complete opposite view of the other yet you wrote them both within like 6 months of each other. How is that? I’d also be interested to know what others are saying about this blog post (the other 8 comments) but for some reason I’m not able to see them.
I don’t think this post is that different from what I said in August, but I will admit my attitudes are changing. I believe demonizing the perpetrators is stopping us from making big strides in elimination child sex abuse. Their abusive actions are definitely demonic, but they are still “normal” to most people who know them. They are somebody’s husband, father, minister, teacher and they do act “normal” most of the time. They may attend church or help with the United Way fund raising drive.
That dichotomy keeps victims from reporting and keeps the public from believing the guy they know is capable of a heinous crime. If we can get people to accept that sex offenders are regular people with a missing chip, then maybe we can see more reporting and have it believed.
The issue of keeping them as part of society is just as important. If offenders are isolated they are more likely to reoffend. If we are capable of keeping them as part of the community, we can make sure they are accountable and they know that we know, so they are less likely to reoffend. It also helps a person report their father, brother, coach who they often still love, if they know it will not totally destroy their lives.
I realize this is a stretch in thinking, but I really believe we need to go in this direction and there are new studies that support this type of action.
(The other comments you are not seeing is just that people pushed the “like” button on Facebook)
Randy,
Thank you for clarifying this point. After reading the last portion of this article I too was confused Being an abuse survivor myself and recently experiencing the enpowerment of becoming part of the abuse- survivor community it is easy for me to adopt the “no-mercy” mentality when it comes to “perps” but the reality is that unless monsters, like Sadusky, are given life in prison they will be right back in society (without) safe parameters. I mean how can we place reasonable pararameters around these individuals when freedom grants them unlimited access to innocent people.? It just isn’t realistic. If the authorities deem these people fit for society then it’s out of our hands and we can only try and protect ourselves and our loved ones . Randy if you are experiencing a paragigm shift involving an issue of this magnitude then I hope you are able to continue to be effective in communicating to us why. You are a role model and hero to many of us in the survivor community and and we rely on your discernment.
Aaron, my thoughts on this are definitely shifting. If we drink the poison of our perpetrators it is us who will die, not them. There are perpetrators like Sandusky and worse (see Adam Lee Brown) that should be put away for life. They represent something like 18% of offenders and I agree that any deemed serial pedophiles should never be allowed around the public again.
The other 82% do not fall into just one group either. But I do believe there is a large part of that group that can pay the price of their actions and then be reintroduced into society with strict parameters and still held accountable. Just knowing that this is an option will help some survivors report a loved one. Fear is a huge factor in not reporting; fear of what people will think of me, but also fear of what will happen to the perpetrator that we still care about.
We need to find paths of healing for victims, offenders, and the community. Minor offenders who complete treatment programs rarely reoffend. That breaks the cycle for the 40% that commit the crime as a minor. That is not true for adult offenders. Science says we cannot reprogram the brains of adult offenders, but we can teach a percentage of them that they have to control the behavior and then keep them in programs to make sure they do.
Retribution against perpetrators solves nothing long term. Martin Luther King said it this way: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” You know I have never felt the need to forgive my perpetrator, but I no longer carry him inside me and he has paid a very high price for what he did to me. Even as an old man I do not believe he should be around children, but neither doe he need to be in prison. He has been held accountable by his community and even though I do not believe he understands the wrongness of what he did, he knows that it was unacceptable to everyone else. For me that is enough at this point.
All I’m trying to say is the “solutions” of the past have not worked at all. We need to find new options for the well being of everyone.
Thank you for speaking your mind. It helps us all dig a little deeper in ourselves.