I have written recently about hiding myself and my talents out of fear, which at least in part is a result of being abused as a teen. As I continue down the healing path new thoughts come to mind about my future, who I am and how I want to live the rest of my life.
When I started High School I signed up for choir. It turned out my teacher had produced award-winning choirs for over two decades. It also turned out that as much as I liked music, I was not the best of singers!
My mother, in her desire to help me, paid for private voice lessons for a year. I learned more about singing and breathing, but no matter how many opportunities were made available, singing was not one of my talents. I think the main problem was tone deafness!
Flash forward to today. At the church I attend there is a woman who has a beautiful soprano voice. As I listened to her sing a solo I couldn’t help but think she would have benefitted greatly from the singing instruction I had as a youth. The more I listened I realized there was not a thing wrong with her voice. It was confidence she lacked. She was tentative and reached for notes that she could easily get on top of. I had this urge to contact her and tell her to let loose when she sings. Let the notes come from deep inside. I longed to hear her full voice.
That led me to think how most of us hold back from our gifts. We aren’t sure of ourselves or we worry what others will think. There is a saying in healing circles, about people being uncomfortable in their own skin. What would my life look like if I used my talents with confidence? What would your life look like if you walked the earth confident and proud of what you are good at? Wow, can you imagine? I’m guessing it would be like getting around on a pair of roller skates.
As a survivor I can say that life has been a lot like being tied to stakes with little room for movement or freedom of choice. My talents have always had a closed lid on them. I use them when I work, but somehow I do not experience joy at my own successes. I rarely walk away from a job saying to myself, “that felt good.” There is a saying that goes like this:
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like nobody’s watching,
and live like it’s heaven on earth.
In other words live life with abandon. So here is my challenge to myself and to you. Write down the things you think you are or might be good at and put a star by the ones on that list you enjoy and have fun doing. Now commit to doing those things more often and make time every day to do at least one of them.
There is a story in Matthew about talents. In that case it refers to money, but it applies to anything of value. We have a choice to bury them, as I did, or use them and watch them grow! We need to shut out our self judgment and reprogram ourselves to fully embrace our talents to give them light to breathe and grow. If it is true that the greatest obstacle to human growth and happiness is ourselves, why not move out of your own way?
I recently renewed my contractors license to help pay expenses. Last week I worked on a sewer pump for a woman. The job was dirty and smelly and it took several days to get it working right. And yes, the pump came on and shot sewage at me! When I told my friend what I was doing, her reaction was ick! I came back with how good I felt, because with my skills and patience I solved a problem this woman had worried about every day for five years.
How much richer our lives would be if we wore our talents like a new set of clothes. Watch me walk down the street in my beautiful coat of many colors, an outfit made entirely of me. And then I wake each day and put on the real me as I walk out the door. Here I am feeling good about myself. I can then see and appreciate you and me in a whole new light.
May it be so!