A lot of us look forward to the coming “Holidays”. It is a time to be with family and loved ones, share meals, catch up on what others are doing and reminiscing past times together. Some of the salads and side dishes are a bit over the top, but the turkey and pies are awesome. Some love the stuffing and cranberries, not me. Gawd, I’ve even seen some take bites of them together. Ugh. We get over-stuffed, some drink too much and stay up too late, and some tell the same stories every year. All in all, it is a good time for one or two days and by the grace of God we forget the irritating parts before we gather again next year.
This is not how the “Holidays” work for everyone. Some of us cannot forget things that happened in the past, nor should we. If you are a survivor of child sex abuse, seeing family may be difficult at best, and impossible at worst. If you are one of the thousands suffering from PTSD from your abuse, just coming out of your house on a holiday may not be an option.
As survivors, many things happen at holidays that can trigger us. So here is the simple message I want to share. Be careful and take care of yourself. Try to keep an ally, a friend or partner, who understands and will support you close at all times.
If you are not comfortable dealing with some people you know will be present, it’s really okay to just say, “I’m not coming, it just doesn’t work for me.” If you get there and you do not feel safe, leave. I don’t know about you, but I find it is so easy to fall back into the “I’m not good enough” or shame mode, and just accept comments or actions that revictimize me. As survivors it seems that denial and dissociation can work fine as coping mechanisms, but they keep us in our box of loneliness.
Is it really worth it to stand up and protect yourself from those that would revictimize or invalidate you? My answer is yes; it is worth it because it honors you and your truth. You are worth it! It is your voice that rings up to heavens. The universe is in tune to your cries. If we learn to love and take care of ourselves we really can find comfort in our own skin. Living your story not only changes you, it changes those around you.
So this holiday season I hope you intentionally choose places to go, and people to be with that love and support who you are and the journey you are on.
Go in peace.
A version of this blog was published on 1in6.org and Joyful Heart Foundation.org websites.